I have lost my love for my spouse.   What can I do?

Question: “I have lost my love for my spouse. I no longer love them - it is just gone. What should I do? What can I do to correct this situation?”

Bible Answer

One can have the impression of being trapped when they no longer have feelings of love for their spouse. However, the solution is not as difficult as you may think.  The following, starting with the foundation and ending with the conclusion, will explain how your situation can be greatly improved.

Where does love come from?

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God (1 John 4:7).

What are the two conditions listed above for possessing God’s love? Have you meet the conditions of being born of God and knowing God?

If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them (1 John 4:15-16).

What did Jesus say were the two greatest commandments?

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22.36-39).

Are you being obedient to these commandments?  What can you do to be obedient?

How did God show His love for you?

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:9-10).

How can you reciprocate and show God your love?

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:1-2).

We love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19).

Are we to love others?

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another (1 John 4:11).

Is loving others optional?

Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister (1 John 4:20-21).

Have you placed foundries on your love for others?  If yes, do you also have boundaries on your love for God?

How important is love?

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-2).

What is love like?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Do you see that love is of greatest important’s to God and His commandments are permanent, perpetual.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

God’s love is sufficient for us and for loving others?

…if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us (1 John 4:12).

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:17-19).

Put on the love of God and share it with those around you.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:14).

Godly love does not love because someone is loving you, rather, God’s agape love loves because God is love and you are sharing God’s love. As you intentionally share God’s love with others, you will find that others will be more inclined to return your love and that you will start loving those you are sharing love with, including your spouse.

Many have a hard time loving because they are not willing to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 tells us, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Give the problem to God and move forward.

True story. A woman came to a pastor asking what she should do because she hated her husband and wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.  The pastor told her to go home and be as sweet and loving as possible for two months and at the end of that time, when she had softened him up, drop the bomb and tell him she was getting a divorce. About three months later, when the pastor had not heard from the woman, he called and ask if she was getting a divorce.  Her response was, “Divorce, no way, I really do love my husband.”


The path then is to grow in your personal relationship with God, His Word, and in His love.  As you spend more time in developing your relationship with God through prayer and meditating on the Word, you open the door to God’s love. Ask the Lord to fill you with Himself, and surrender fully to Him. Then ask God to fill you with His love for Him and for your spouse.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so (1 John 4:16-17).

Rest assured, little-by-little, day-by-day He will fill you with His love overflowing. A love that is purer and better than before.

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else (1 Thessalonians 3:12).

Now you know the secret to loving your spouse again. Surrender to God and let Him make your love increase and overflow to others and to your spouse and cover your marriage in prayer and Godly love.

Next Section: What about sex before marriage?

Marriage and what is required in a marriage

Marriage Section

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