How can I find the perfect spouse?
Question: “How can I know if it is God’s will for me to marry and if it is God’s will for me to marry, how can I know the perfect spouse that God has appointed for me?”
The first marriage in history appears in Genesis 2:22. The Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. This picture is similar to God the Father walking the bride down the isle to the groom, Adam. The last marriage is found in Revelation 19:9. Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” From the first to the last marriage, the central theme of the Bible depicts the human history of marriage. Just as the Father opened human history with a marriage, so Jesus opened His public ministry with a marriage in Cana. Throughout Jesus’ ministry, He upheld the sanctity of marriage. When some Pharisees confronted Jesus about divorce, he replied, that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:4-
The at the beginning refers to Genesis 2:22 and the marriage of Adam and Eve by God. In so saying, Jesus confirmed that the Standard set by God in the beginning was the same in Jesus’ time and is still the standard in force today. As Christians, we are expected to uphold the divine standard of marriage that God established at creation.
Specifically, the Bible reveals six principals of marriage that still applies today:
- God Himself initiated marriage at the beginning of human history. Adam had no part in planning it. Just like in the beginning, today man has no idea who would be the best spouse without God’s divine revelation.
- God knew the best helper that the man needed. The man didn’t even know that he needed a helper.
- God prepared the woman for the man.
- God presented the woman to the man. The man did not have to go in search for her.
- God ordained the nature of their life together. Its end purpose was that they have complete unity together.
- Except for sexual immorality (click for details of sexual immorality) and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, divorce is not permitted (click for details of divorce).
Adam was not aware of his need for a wife. It was God who decided that Adam needed a wife and it was God who selected what Adam needed in a wife. We see that the concept of marriage originated with God and it was God who said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ (Matthew 19:5).
- From the above, we can see what Jesus indicated, that God’s pattern for marriage is unchanged for Christians today.
- Christians should not marry based on their flawed desire but based on God’s perfect decision and selection.
- A Christian man that will trust God to choose and prepare for him the spouse he needs and a Christian woman that will trust God to choose and prepare for her the spouse she needs.
- A Christian man who is walking in God’s will, will trust God to bring him the spouse that God has chosen for him, and the Christian woman who is walking in God’s will, will trust God to lead her to the husband that He has chosen for her.
Those who fulfil the above can expect to enjoy the unity of being one in marriage and one in Christ.
We can permit ourselves to be drawn to someone because they are attractive, sexy, desirable, and some even get married just because they are so anxious to marry that they jump at the first opportunity. But God says, “trust me, wait, and I will bring you the perfect spouse at the perfect time. Waiting is often required as God molds you or your future spouse into the person needed to properly support the marriage. While most do not want to wait for God, the wait is a much shorter period of time than being miserable for what may seem like eternity with the wrong person. Those who allowed the Holy Spirit to mold them and lead them along the biblical path to the wedding ceremony can look forward with confidence to a married life of fulfillment and mutual joy.
Trust God to work according to His plan for you. God can foresee just the kind of wife you need. He will prepared her carefully for you, place her on the path that leads to you, and point her out to you as the perfect spouse that He has chosen for you. (1)
Finding the answer of a spouse is no different than finding the answer to any other question we may have of the Lord. God wants a loving, trusting relationship with His children. He wants to bless us with the perfect spouse, if we will permit Him to do so by trusting and waiting upon Him rather than being anxious and trying to find a spouse by our own efforts.
When we surrender to God, we make the commitment to no longer make our own decisions, but to first ask God for His decisions and then make then yours.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge [ask] him, and he will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5-
1. In part, from “God Is A Matchmaker” by Derek & Ruth Prince, 2011.
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